In between clear and unclear, there stands confusion. In between, decided and could not decide, we get depression. Unable to distinguish black and white, we get grey. If we know the ending but do not know the beginning, then we are stuck. But with a clear view/stand of yes and no, there exist a purpose and a destiny.
The question is, is it that easy?
We dream big when we were young and it just get smaller as we grow older. The fact is that our choices in career and who we want to be have been narrowed down by our decision along the way. My childhood ambition was to be a singer/actress/model and a doctor. I was told that I am fat and ugly (didn't know that I would be thin one day), therefore I did not have the courage to step out. My mom encourage me to sing and would send me for vocal lessons, but then I usually freak out, panic, stomach ache in front of a big crowd! I can only sing at home and for my mom... A doctor? ah.... I was really bad in my grades.. so bad that my mom actually encourage me to stop after secondary 5 and goes to nursing school!! MUAHAHA! But of course there are people who are able to succeed.
Where I am today, is due to my rebellion to my mom, she told me science was hard, as much as I hated science, I pursued it and scored in order to prove her wrong, however, I never thought this would take me so far and obtained more than a degree. The next question is, am I enjoying where I am today?
The fact on earning money on my own one of the joy in my life. At least I can shop for my sis, treat her black sesame ice cream, get branded bags and clothings for my mom, bring dad to dine in a nice restaurant, to bless my family as well as shopping! But the reality of working right now for me is equivalent to draining.
As much as I like what I am doing right now is almost equals to as much as I hate it. The joy of achieving and being challenged is seriously irreplaceable! But the time which I needed to invest in it is seriously beyond my expectation. Besides the joy of no jam after work, It is almost every week now I would be late/almost missed cell group, miss my hub and the time for myself and not to forget, God.
It was a joy to all when I moved out from my plan to pursue another, but I wonder does anyone care about the content in me? Or maybe it is just for me and God to know.
It is never easy to be trap in between what I want, I cant decide, I don't know, "how to let go?" and "what should I do" situation.
This is where I am, a place where rebellion has brought me to. Do I regret? Maybe a little bit, but hey, at least I know I can do anything as long as I put my heart in it! My achievements has actually overtook my expectation but yet to reach my satisfaction.
Wrong decisions does not mean we will end up in the grave,
just follow the rainbow and I believe we can get there someday!
Just lift our hands and say HOORAY!
At least we did something today!
Let not disappointment drift us away.
Just follow the rainbow and it shall be the colours of our day!
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