How wrong can wrong be?

It is definitely heart wrenching to hear about the massive quake and the unending disaster. Having friends and family there can be the worst worry of all time, but truly thank God they are all ok! Japan have been making headlines every single day ever since the 8.9 quake. Places and faces of sorrow/hurt/fear and emptiness made the front page of the papers. News forecast cold weather ahead and this could obstruct their search for survival. False prediction and judgement are thrown upon them harshly.  Please do keep Japan in prayer (for safety and comfort) and hopefully we are able to hear good news from Japan real soon where they are able to control and minimize the damage caused by the natural disaster. Some may object, some may curse, and some may support but for sure at this moment of time they truly need all the love and support to keep them through this period of fear.

On the other hand, it is quite sad to burn my tick (gift fr hub) to Japan which have been planned months ago. But it the definitely one of the best choice at the moment to postpone the trip. However on the other hand, this remark has actually made me insensitive (at the moment of making decision) for some reason which I do not know why. To me, it is just not so right to go have fun in their house while they are not in their best and we are ought to take care of our safety as well. Don't want my family members to worry dead for sure. Japan is a strong country I believe and they can come back better. There is always another chance.

So here I am one of the "Malaysian who makes insensitive comments" following the news daily and praying for Japan's safety and recovery and also made donations to help Japan writing this. And also would like to remind the Malaysians who think "Malaysians who are insensitive" are once and now a Malaysian too. Just be proud and thankful of where you come from lest u have disowned your citizenship.  

What is in between balance and imbalance?

In between clear and unclear, there stands confusion. In between, decided and could not decide, we get depression. Unable to distinguish black and white, we get grey. If we know the ending but do not know the beginning, then we are stuck. But with a clear view/stand of yes and no, there exist a purpose and a destiny.

The question is, is it that easy?

We dream big when we were young and it just get smaller as we grow older. The fact is that our choices in career and who we want to be have been narrowed down by our decision along the way. My childhood ambition was to be a singer/actress/model and a doctor. I was told that I am fat and ugly (didn't know that I would be thin one day), therefore I did not have the courage to step out. My mom encourage me to sing and would send me for vocal lessons, but then I usually freak out, panic, stomach ache in front of a big crowd! I can only sing at home and for my mom... A doctor? ah.... I was really bad in my grades.. so bad that my mom actually encourage me to stop after secondary 5 and goes to nursing school!! MUAHAHA! But of course there are people who are able to succeed.

Where I am today, is due to my rebellion to my mom, she told me science was hard, as much as I hated science, I pursued it and scored in order to prove her wrong, however, I never thought this would take me so far and obtained more than a degree. The next question is, am I enjoying where I am today?

The fact on earning money on my own one of the joy in my life. At least I can shop for my sis, treat her black sesame ice cream, get branded bags and clothings for my mom, bring dad to dine in a nice restaurant, to bless my family as well as shopping! But the reality of working right now for me is equivalent to draining. 

As much as I like what I am doing right now is almost equals to as much as I hate it. The joy of achieving and being challenged is seriously irreplaceable! But the time which I needed to invest in it is seriously beyond my expectation. Besides the joy of no jam after work, It is almost every week now I would be late/almost missed cell group, miss my hub and the time for myself and not to forget, God. 

It was a joy to all when I moved out from my plan to pursue another, but I wonder does anyone care about the content in me? Or maybe it is just for me and God to know. 

It is never easy to be trap in between what I want, I cant decide, I don't know, "how to let go?" and "what should I do" situation. 

This is where I am, a place where rebellion has brought me to. Do I regret? Maybe a little bit, but hey, at least I know I can do anything as long as I put my heart in it! My achievements has actually overtook my expectation but yet to reach my satisfaction.

Wrong decisions does not mean we will end up in the grave, 

just follow the rainbow and I believe we can get there someday! 

Just lift our hands and say HOORAY! 

At least we did something today! 

Let not disappointment drift us away. 

Just follow the rainbow and it shall be the colours of our day!